Conservative v.s. liberal
In our house, we don't really have any parenting books. we mostly discuss our issues with family & friends, to get some advice. But besides that, we just learn things along the way. Now that we have two kids, there are many times when me and Nori have to deal with them separately, unlike everything used to be a joint adventure.
I'm more of a "conservative" mom & Nori is more of a "liberal" dad. (not sure if Nori would agree when he reads this)
Me:----
- "Yoshi, u have to eat this and that...."
- "Yoshi, eat with your spoon, don't play with your chopsticks"
- "Yoshi, when u pee, u need to face forward and sit on the potty seat"
- "Yoshi, hurry up, let's wear your pant now..."
- "Yoshi, it's dirty, don't touch this and that"
Nori:----
- "he should try some other kind of food too..."
- "it's ok, let him practice with the chopsticks"
- "it's ok, he can face either way when he pee..."
- "it's ok, no rush, let him try to button his shirt and wear the pant on his own..."
- "it's ok, we will just clean him up afterwards, don't worry"
I have to say, though there are parenting conflicts in many ways, and many times I question myself if I'm being too strict...but it's a pretty good balance at the end of the day. I have to give a lot more credits to Nori for teaching all the "survive skills" to Yoshi- brushing teeth on his own; eating with chopsticks; drinking water from the cups; wearing his own pants and shoes; climbing onto the carseat by himself..... no wonder Yoshi loves having daddy around.
6 comments:
You are the one who need to face Yoshi for 24 hours, that's why you wish he can do everything more efficiently, and no mess. I want them fast too, so I can move on to the next task (or get some rest).
I think this is some thing to do with culture... (may not be in all ways, but some.) Just like teaching my dogs. In Hong Kong (as far as I know), you scold them when they did something wrong. Frighten them when they pee at the wrong place. Same as teaching the children, you can often see parents scolding them or punishing them when they did something wrong. (I'm not saying this way of teaching is wrong)
But in Japan, they recommend it in a different way, teach by praising your pets. When they did something right they will be praise and treated. And will not be treated if they did something wrong. But sometimes scolding is needed, doing that only for several times will have a better effect :p It takes time, but did work for me in the end.
From the Shanghai Pet Fair I attended, I realized that whenever the owner raise his hands to scare them so as to make them behave... you can see how the dogs bend aside closing its eyes... It is not that they don't love their pets, (I did the same too when I was in HK), but learning the new method made me know that I conquered them too much. I rather like the idea that they take my raising hand as a loving hand.
I don't have kids for myself, I don't know if I'm right to compare it with teaching dogs. But hope this can be something to share with. Seeing the cheers in Yoshi's face, we all know you both are wonderful parents. I don't think I can be as half a good mother as you!! (in the end... I think I will be very strict... don't do this, don't do that... :p)
Judith
it's the opposite here in our home - mac is always complaining that i'm too liberal, but then it's also mac who feeds rafael if he doesn't eat, and takes off rafael's shoes if he's reluctant to do so himself. :P
Cecilia- I totally agree!!
Judith- thx for sharing. parenting to little kids and to doggies, probably have some similarities. I always make sure I show both "happy- praise" side & also "upset- punishment" side to Yoshi, so he knows when's right or wrong. Don't send mix messages for sure. Need to be consistence...
Amy- haha.. is Mac an aquarius? ^_^
amy: yes yes, i saw mac feeding rafael last time! hehehee!!! ^^
Pui, I have the same situation with you! Always tell Abbie: you must do this, you must do that, don't do that, do it quickly ... on the other hand, Ah Sai let her do more freely & have more allowance for her, that's why Abbie always turn to her dad straightly whenever she think I might not offer or allow her to do so !
That's what mom are for :P
Connie
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